Not another f*cking Life Coach!

You know how when you go to talk about something you’re about to do like leave your job and start out as lone ranger life coach in an internet sea of lone ranger life coaches and then someone asks you a question about it and in your head you’re all  “HOW THE F*CK DO I EXPLAIN THAT?” “HOW DO I SAY LIFE COACH WITHOUT SAYING LIFE COACH?” you know, that kinda weird arse self talk? 

It all happens in a blink on an eye but inside me there’s this squirmy strange person (probably with bad hair) wanting to run. 

Interestingly, things always seem much easier to understand when they’re in your head (or is that just me?).

Here’s the thing: I already know what a life coach is.

I already know how grown up it is and what people get out of coaching.

I know it works. But do you?

And tell me, why is it so hard to talk about? Why is it hard for the coach and why is it hard for the client?

Like why do people sometimes think it’s pretty crap to admit you might need a coach to bring out the best in you?

Here’s some reasons why:

First is that it’s really hard to talk about feelings. 

Some folk actually get annoyed if you suggest that their lives might be less than AAHHMAAAZING. “What do you mean, I’m not living my best life ever?” “No I do not want some of your coaching tips on how to put a little action into my boring work life / home life / sex life”.  The thought of paying an actual life coach tends to bring up those weird sort of pursed lipped, fake smile kind of looks and nods.

Second is because we’re all secretly afraid other people might find out that we’re getting some help. Like they’re going to somehow judge us / think we don’t actually know how to run our own lives / we’re a tad bit insecure and have no direction whatsoever. 

And the third reason is because we’ve contracted “I’ve got it covered” Syndrome. I’ve got it covered by hiding my secret, by controlling my life, by going to the bottleshop, by pretending I love being a 9-5 public servant (with flex time) and I especially love never getting promoted. Another thing that tricks us into thinking we’re working on ourselves includes reading self help books and never actually following through on the suggestions only to say “this doesn’t f*cking work” and putting the book on the shelf only to buy the next great book on pay day.  I know all this because I done that too. Here’s the thing though, “I’ve got it covered syndrome” (IGICS) seems to start out somewhat benignly in your twenties but fast forward to your forties and fifties and you’ve got a raging case of a stalled life. You know, where you can barely speak lest the sad, soulless words of lack and scarcity come poring out your mouth.  

One way to tell if you’ve got IGICS is to think about what your first thoughts were every day. Try writing them down.  If they sound something like “OMG only 6.5 hours of sleep . . . screw you alarm clock” or what about “there’s never enough sleep” or my favourite “I’ll be better when I get paid more or win the lotto” ….. blah, blah.

Not getting real with yourself and living with a scarcity mindset will always feel like walking through quicksand (or possibly sticky date pudding) unless you change your mind.  That’s what happens with life coaching – you get to change your mind about the direction of your life and you also get to see where you’ve been kidding (read bullshitting) yourself.  

It’s like this. Just the other day, I took a trip to a place I go sometimes to try to fit in when I’m feeling pious in a food sort of a way. Let’s just call it the local Health Food shop (HFS). Sometimes I peruse the aisles to make me feel filled with a “I don’t eat junk food” sort of piety. The truth is I am usually fighting the urge to keep myself out of the actual supermarket where they sell normal chocolate like milk chocolate Lindt balls (they should be made illegal by the way).

The trip into the HFS had lured me into a false sense of security as I considered which one of the sugar free, organic, coconut infused chocolates, that weighed less than the rolly papers I’d used to make joints with back in the eighties, to buy. Would this satisfy me? I think not. Bit like smoking pot really (but that’s a whole other story).

The organic chocolate didn’t really light me up but in an effort not to be shunned by the HFS yoga-pant-wearing-people I purchased and devoured my little treasure as if my life depended on it.

So what does all that have to do with life coaching?  You see eating your own sugar free, organic, coconut infused chocolate (your pretend life) will only ever be a substitute for your own metaphorical version of the milk chocolate Lindt balls.  Those shiny, little, red wrapped bombs of exploding amazingness (which it really like straight out the freezer) are on offer each and every day for all of us.  The trick is finding someone to lead you there. 

That’s what I do – I trade in chocolate covered life changes!  

You already have the answers inside of you. 

I help you find the way in.

So the benefits? There’s heaps and heaps. You’ve probably already heard a million and fifty times to change your life.  But the problem is…not enough people actually *DO* it.

Most life coaches are out there trying to sell life coaching … by selling it as life coaching. 

Some even tell you what you need to do.   

Me? Well yep, I sell life coaching too but I don’t tell you what to do. I listen to your crazy arse ramblings and help you navigate your way through your own BS to freedom.  Sounds simple.  It usually is. It can be a bit rugged from time to time but you’ll love the person you meet on the other side. 

She’s a woman who has it made. 

She’s a woman who will probably only ever wear yoga pants again after spending some quality time with me.

You’re welcome.

S xo

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